... Annie:> yes, first we thought to do only 1 minute helen:> it was 3 minutes, no? Annie:> yes it was exactly yes:> yes Martine:> Now we could all write: I'm also naked in front of my computer, héhéhéhé :> it is a pity Martina her screen did something strange before the end, or was it something else JanR:> yes ... Martina:> yes, my screen did smth strange, I had to react - otherwise I would loose the connection lola:> I liked that it was 3 minutes, after about 2 minutes the arms were perfectly connected Annie:> Maybe we should do it once again to have a nice recording? helen:> i loved the shadow of martina's arm helen:> if you do it again, give me a couple of minutes and i will also record Annie:> yes, Lola I saw that too and I felt it in my body Martina:> yes, I am up for a second run without shadow also Annie:> are you ready Martina? lola:> was this last performance recorded? Martina:> Yes ... Aileen:> Another performance now? My Internet connection dropped out just at 19:00 :> night is falling in Berlin helen:> are you doing another performance? Annie:> hi Aileen, yes we did it a second time :> Very different feel to that. Annie much more 'exposed' because of the light. Jo:> How did that feel for both of you? ... lola:> I saw both, I think the first one was better Annie:> So helen you didn't see me forgetting to put of my underpants, felt really stupid helen:> good ;) helen:> lol :D lola:> haha, yes and I saw you also crawling underneath in the screen helen:> that's really funny annie!!! helen:> rofl helen:> lmao Annie:> hihi helen:> ok so the first one then was definitely the best!!! Annie:> this is real domestic streaming Martina:> it was all planned : ) lola:> how would it be if in the end, you both stay connected (no dropping arms, before leaving), while morphing into one and then disappear? helen:> of course! Martina:> that´s a nice idea Jo:> The thing that stuck with me from yesterday's performance was Annie talking about how the most healing moments in the hospital was when someone touch her. Today, you "touched" each other. Was it tactile for both of you? helen:> yes, facing the cams and moving slowly together Annie:> Lola wants us to try a third version helen:> go on, encore! Martina:> :-) Martina:> yes, it is tactile, but a strange visual tacitness because you depend on the information of the image to be able to touch Annie:> it was for me, images are connected with bodily experience and the moment we were really ... was magically strange helen:> encore, encore, encore! Annie:> no, enough is enough helen:> :( helen:> you could try lola's suggestion Annie:> it is also really strange to end like this because working with Martina was very nice and interesting, we got a kind of special relation, a virtual one? Annie:> and the image symbolised that in a good way Martina:> not only virtual, I hope, but partly virtual for sure Annie:> also young connected to older Annie:> I think that's the reason also why I don't want to do Lola's suggestion now. Jo:> Yesterday, when you were talking about death, Martina looked very sad. Annie, did you feel like reaching out to her? For me, the screen was an enormous barrier. Annie:> I want to keep this connected image Martina:> it was nice for me that the connecting point - our hands - were not visible - were in the space between the images - but visible in their invisibility Martina:> and I had the strange thought during the performance - how my palms are - open or like holding another hand - even if this was not visible at all Jo:> Yes, Martina. So, in the first version we saw your hand's shadow, and how obviously disconnected it was from Annie. Annie:> I was very happy to do the performance yesterday, but afterwards I was not sure and maybe that's because for me we told different stories helen:> yet the shadow was like a third arm, a ghost arm helen:> it had a really interesting quality about it helen:> i kept expecting it to move independently helen:> to do something surprising Martina:> it made a strange asymmetry - and as it was not expected because when we tested it, the shadow was not there, it was a ghostly surprise even for us Annie:> yesterday felt like a first step helen:> annie, are there recordings of all 3 performances? Jo:> for me, had your shadows touched, the shape would have been nearly that of a heart Jo:> What was powerful for me -- because your stories were different -- was how difficult it is to connected to one anothers' experiences of pain, illness, and death. Annie:> yes, that's also what said a friend to me Annie:> (yes, helen, all is recorded) helen:> (great annie!) lola:> are you going to collaborate again? Martina:> I hope so Annie:> maybe we first have to tell the stories to be able to reach out later Jo:> Also, to experience directly (illness and near death, or threat of death), is not the same as watching a loved one suffer and die. Annie:> I hope so Annie:> Jo, the second is even harder I think Jo:> The different stories -- disconnect -- reinforced the distance created by mediated technologies. It confirms the distance, which is what I experience as reality. Jo:> Yes, I think so. In my experience, it was almost a relief to feel myself leaving. Annie:> but Jo, don't you think it also makes things possible? lola:> thank you for your performance today (I had to miss out on the other ones), I have to go, hope to see more in the future! Annie:> I am not sure if without this technology I would ever have been able to tell my part of the story with a bit of distance helen:> yes annie Annie:> (bye Lola, thanks for coming, good luck with your show) helen:> sometimes the distance created by technical mediation works in a good way like this Jo:> Yes. It has made our connection possible over many years... which is better than no connection. But it also magnifies the fact that we have never met. Which makes me sad, because that is my preference. Helen2:> to watch a loved one suffer and die is to watch what is meaningful to you and your life leave.. it illicits loneliness in a way that dying … sorry, I stop here because I do not know the experience of dying … yet. Martina:> Yet it was very strange not to know who is listening to us. helen:> so you aren't seeing the chat while performing? Martina:> we do Martina:> but yesterday there was no chat Annie:> (yes Helen, but yesterday we choose not to have one) helen:> no chat during the performance yesterday? Annie:> maybe Helen and Jo we should do a performance together one day ... the fact that you know there are people watching what you do, that you have to propose something is very important also Annie:> in what it does with you helen:> yes, of course Martina:> the interface creates artificial dynamics, rhythms, but this is also interesting - you don´t just follow the flow of a conversation but also think about how time is spread among the two speakers, if you are in the image, etc. helen:> yes Jo:> Screens do make sharing intimacy 'easier' in that one doesn't have to witness, directly, the response of the other person(s). One almost sends one's self willy nilly into space, with little concern about the impact we're having. In person, you can see/hear/feel the consequences of ones actions immediately. Jo:> Which makes many of us less likely to be intimate in "real" space. It's much much harder. Annie:> don't know how to react Jo helen:> well, people do chat and can also respond very frankly in the chat helen:> we have less inhibitions in the chat because we are invisible in a way Martina:> but I could see Annies reactions to what I said - I was not talking with a void interface... helen:> it is a different kind of intimacy Martina:> so I was very much deepening on Annies face somehow, this I could feel Jo:> I'm not being critical, just stating my observations. Jo:> Martina, I think the experience you both had with one another was different than being a passive observer, as I was. Annie:> yes you were excluded yesterday, you could only witness Jo:> Annie, I'm terrified of being in front of a camera... It would take a lot :) But maybe it's a fear I would like to overcome. helen:> why did you choose to do that, annie and martina? (i'm sorry, i couldn't join yesterday) Annie:> because the subject isn't easy and we didn't want to get distraught by anything, I think we were right to do that, because even Annie:> the two of us only managed to tell our stories and not to go beyond that helen:> ok Martina:> initially we had another plan but as it became obvious for both of us that life provided us with experiences that made and make our lives very different from how they were before experiencing that, we felt the urgency to integrate that into one of the performances helen:> nodding Martina:> everything that we added to the mere verbal exchange felt completely inappropriate Martina:> so, we kept only the conversation helen:> i see Martina:> for me it was also the first occasion to talk with Annie about her experience of being very ill. Annie:> yes Jo, it is a performance, not real life, even if the performance was about real life Jo:> I loved the three distinct formats. It made the 'whole' very interesting, and allows us the opportunity to compare and distill. Annie:> let's try to do that, for me the three are related, even if I can't really say how and why Jo:> And, yet, most of us "perform" our real lives. Annie:> yes I can "meeting martina" Annie:> beyond performance :) Jo:> They were each distinct representations of the two of you. Annie:> bye bye, I have to leave now, let's meet another time ... helen:> thanks very much annie and martina! :) helen:> i look forward to seeing the recordings Martina:> thanks Helen and everyone else here! Martina:> and thank you Annie! a lot... Jo:> Bye, and thanks to both Annie and Martina for creating this experience for us. Helen2:> goodbye all…and thanks helen:> bye :) Annie:> thanks, bye, kisses