I never was a “cat person” – I grew up with dogs and always proclaimed “I hate cats!” but then I met Max. Maximillian was with us from about 12 weeks old until this Monday. He was born with a heart murmur and I always worried about it, but the vets didn’t seem concerned. About a month or so ago, he was breathing funny. We didn’t think too much about it, we have a new baby and poor Max took the back burner for the past year. This past week, he stopped eating. This weekend, his breathing became extremely labored, and he became very lethargic. I slept in the spare bed with him Saturday nite and he purred and purred even through his difficult breaths. Sunday he could hardly bring himself to move. He hid in the laundry room, I brought him out to his favorite chair. Minutes later, he was in the laundry again, and again. He was looking for a place to die. Monday morning, I called the vet after checking his gums and seeing them grey, and was told to take him to the emergency clinic. Upon intake, he was taken in and put on oxygen and catheterized. An hour later, the doctor gave me the news that my friend of seven years waqs in advanced stages of congestive heart failure and top prognosis was 1 year even with intense care. I called my wife who was out of town on business, and decided it would be best to end his suffering. It was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I asked for some time alone with him but he had progressed so rapidly they could not take him off oxygen. The doctor took me into the operating room, and I held my cat and stared into his eyes, told him I loved him and how sorry I was, and watched as his life faded away and bloody fluid poured out of his mouth. What I saw in his eyes before he fell unconscious was indescribable. I am by no means a religious man, but I believe I saw God. He told me I made the right choice, but then why does it hurt so bad? I have a huge hole in my heart and I dont know what to do. My home is so empty, and my one year old understands and looks for him too. I will have his ashes in a few weeks, but nothing in this world will ever make me forget.
Max, I love you,
I am sorry for being mean to you-
I miss you so much,
You’ll always be my friend.
Rest in peace, little buddy.
Max succumbed to congestive heart failure Monday morning, November the 17th, 2008. He was just seven years old. He died in my hands with fluid pouring from his lungs. My heart is torn apart, my home is quiet, and my thoughts are consumed with guilt.
I will never forget u Maxer…
Other People's Thoughts
So sorry for your loss. This month, my wonderful dog of 18 years has been gone year. I told my husband just last night how much I miss her. Her partner is now close to 15 and he still looks for her from room to room at times.. I can just see the sadness in his eyes when he realizes she is not her. Pets are such great friends!
— sherear Thursday April 30, 2009 #
max was a beautiful boy, very tragic how he passed. your last act of love was the most merciful and pure, and i know what you went through. i just went through it with my kitty; Jubei (jew-bay,) he was a little over 10 and looked a bit under the weather one day. the next day i found him on the floor struggling to breath, and by the next morning i was told my beautiful little companion had diabetes, heart disease, possible heart worms, and possible asthma. it cost $3K to find out that the only way i could help him was by ending his life thus ending his suffering. it’s very hard, doing the right thing never seemed so emotionally draining and confusing. my heart goes out to you and your little buddy max.
— artowen74 Monday November 23, 2009 #
HUG. It wasn’t your fault. He knew you loved him. I’m facing the same issues now…it sucks.
— robb257731 Sunday March 14, 2010 #
I’m so sorry. HUG.
— robb257731 Friday March 19, 2010 #
The Saddest Thing I Own is a 2005 commission of New Radio and Performing Arts, Inc., (aka Ether-Ore) for its Turbulence web site. It is supported by the Jerome Foundation in celebration of the Jerome Hill Centennial and in recognition of the valuable contributions of artists to society.