I lost my husband of 20 years to alcoholism on December 5, 2005. He was only 50 years old and far too young to leave this world. He left me, and a 16-year-old son. He’d been slowly killing himself for years, fighting his demons unsuccessfully with his soft, sensitive nature, and his bouts of depression. The alcohol seeped in through our relationship like water will, over time, erode a mountain. It drove a wedge between us and robbed our happy times, our quiet moments together, and the memories that we were making. In 2002, after years of drinking, he was stricken with a sepsis infection that shut down his kidneys, putting him on dialysis and causing irreparable destruction to his cognitive thinking. At only 46 years of age, he spent first a month in the hospital, then a time in a nursing home. He came home depressed and angry. Months later, his kidneys started working again, but he couldn’t accept the blessing the Higher Power had given him and start his life anew. Rather, he drank again, and more. And by 2004, his kidneys had again shut down and he had to return to dialysis. The last year of his life was spent in and out of emergency rooms, hospitals, treatment centers, jails, and halfway houses. Now, more than a year after his death, I find myself still wondering if I could have saved him. And I cry too many nights in my pillow, and I light a candle every day for him. Marcus, my love. Marcus, the love of my life.
Tags: alcoholic, depression, dialysis, husband, kidneys, love
Other People's Thoughts
i myself have lost a loved one due to alcoholism. my step mother died in 2003. and she was more of a mother to me than my mom. im 17 now and i still find it hard without her! i know how it feels.
— rachel Thursday March 1, 2007 #
As a psychologist and a child of an alcoholic parent I have spent most of my life living with and treating addiction. I am convinced and research is supporting my conviction that addiction is an inheritable disease. At this time we only have the “treatment” counseling abstaining from drugs. There is currently no treatment that cures this disease; i.e allowing the person to drink alcohol or provide symptom relief; i.e stop the craving for alcohol. I hope this helps.
— Louis Krodel Tuesday June 5, 2007 #
Especially touching. I, too, fight this demon. I feel for both of you. Him gone, and you left to carry on.
— chris Friday November 16, 2007 #
Im losing my mother the same way you lost your husband, and all I can say is that a disease stole them from themselves…I dont think anyone can save people like this, because the drink always has a stronger hold on them they anything. I wish this weren’t so…
— Casey JL Thursday June 5, 2008 #
I just lost my brother to alcoholism on April 27, 2008 and I have the same feelings. I wonder if I could have done more to save him. But from what you wrote it you did all you could do. I know I should feel the same but it will take a while.
— Olivia Monday June 23, 2008 #
My husband of 19 years is on this very same path. And I wonder ever day what more I can possibly do to stop his self destruction. He had such potential to be a great man. Now my 13-yr old son and I are left to sit and clean up the wreakage while he slips into his demise. It really is a very sad painful process to be witness to. I really wish he could come see what it is like to watch this catastrophe happen to him and us. Destroyed – that is the only word I can think of to described our lives. We are all destroyed by alcoholism.
— md Friday August 15, 2008 #
My ex is on the same path. So sad.
— P Saturday October 25, 2008 #
My wonderful soon to be ex is on the same path, lost his job, his home, his health, his family, and actually I pray everyday for God’s will to be done, which ever way God sees fit. So sad how alcoholism destroys so many things … you are in my prayers, as are you all who suffer as a result of this disease.
— Terri Monday October 12, 2009 #
The Saddest Thing I Own is a 2005 commission of New Radio and Performing Arts, Inc., (aka Ether-Ore) for its Turbulence web site. It is supported by the Jerome Foundation in celebration of the Jerome Hill Centennial and in recognition of the valuable contributions of artists to society.