One of many empty gin bottles that is slowly choking out the love I have for the man I had hoped(and at this point, anyway, still hold some hope)to marry. He says his drinking is about him and his demons and doesn’t have anything to do with his feelings for me. But I keep thinking that whatever his feelings for me are (he says he loves me….), they obviously come a distant second to his feelings for the genie in the bottle.
Tags: alcohol, bottle, drinking, gin, love, marriage
Other People's Thoughts
I have an alcohol problem too. It’s hurting my family. But it’s a disease I have and I am trying to control it, but am failing.
— Ryan Thursday June 8, 2006 #
this brings tears to my eyes. i’m married to a guy with serious alcoholism in his family, who definitely is a problem drinker at the least and who has had serious drug problems in the past. addiction and the pain that fuels it are so destructive, both for the addict and for the people who love the addict. i know how you feel, questioning his love for you, because, you think, if he really loved me, he wouldn’t be this way. i don’t have any answers, but i know what you mean about the love you feel being slowly drained away, even when you don’t want to be
— emma Thursday June 8, 2006 #
I’m so sorry.
— Isabel Thursday June 8, 2006 #
Hi. I’m so sorry that you find yourself in that situation. I more times than not feel second to the bottle too, except it’s with my father; and he won’t admit there’s a problem at all. Since I was about 12 years old I’ve tried every thing and any thing, but he won’t budge: “My liver is no bodies business” – he says, as if it’s all some big joke…
But I digress. My point is, I don’t have a choice when it comes to my father. My parents are divoreced, my only brother is 10 and he’s never seen dad function. I’m my father’s only friend. But you can walk away. I understand it will seem hard or impossible, but it might be best for you… don’t get caught up in all the toxicity and drama and do what feels right for you.
I hope I’m not stepping out of line, it’s just that your post really spoke to me and I thought it wouldn’t hurt to remind you of some options.
Please take care.
— a Friday June 9, 2006 #
— Sx Friday June 16, 2006 #
Your man is not lying when he says it’s not about you… the drinking is just a symptom of a much bigger issue that he’s not prepared to deal with. I’ve been married six years to an alcoholic. Trust me… you need to walk away from this toxic situation.
— Sarah Thursday July 20, 2006 #
Walk away? RUN. Don’t make the mistake of focusing on the potential and not acknowledging the bigger reality. Clearly, you do see that it all comes with the package, and the demon will grow and you aren’t going to save him. But you can save yourself. If the relationship is dying even now (or as you typed that), what will it look like in 5 years when you feel trapped and responsible?
— Jim Tuesday June 5, 2007 #
The Saddest Thing I Own is a 2005 commission of New Radio and Performing Arts, Inc., (aka Ether-Ore) for its Turbulence web site. It is supported by the Jerome Foundation in celebration of the Jerome Hill Centennial and in recognition of the valuable contributions of artists to society.